if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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