had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
