Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
