We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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