Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
