I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
