and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
smell my finger.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
