i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
