Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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