just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
