i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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