I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
