I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
