Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
