On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
