i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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