She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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