Where is the hickey?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
