he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
