The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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