What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
