I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
