It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
