I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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