1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
