I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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