Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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