Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
