my sisters under your porch take her home
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
