awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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