you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
