i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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