i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
