he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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