pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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