And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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