If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
