just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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