I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
