there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
