it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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