Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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