so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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