No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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