Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
