She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
