Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
