Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
