Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
