my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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