I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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