Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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