my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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