Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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