I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I AM VODKA MAN
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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