A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
