I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
