I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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