How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i think my cat just said my name.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
