i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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