how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
