I faked an abortion last night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
