need another drink. this is the easiest way
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
