I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize