Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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