I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
