I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
