he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
