we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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