someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
