): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
