sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
