I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize