Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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