i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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