i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
