My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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