i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
